Laying there watching the sky as it changes from crystal blue into the black that shows the stars. There is a point at which one can stare into its depths and watch color fade away into quandary. Truth be told, it was as peaceful a moment I have had in the last three months. Not beaten from the time on set nor the negotiations at hand, for once I had something that had real importance to my existence.
I am going to be a father.
If there was ever an instance that made me look up to heavens and wonder, it is this. In essence, every connotation of our origin gives way to seeing the heartbeat of my daughter. She becomes the source of every ponder into existentialism and the answer to any wonder I have of the future. It has been impossible to separate my mind from my heart, and the result of this is the constant query into where the two exist individually. In any other part of life, there is a definitive genesis of affection, but not this, not her. No, for my daughter, I have always loved her. Her laugh, her smile, her quirky mannerisms that remind me of myself… always. I just haven’t met her… yet.